Getting egged at 3am on route to the airport…CLASSIC lowlife gag right there.
Too early, Anda and I were half asleep and trudging up the hill towards our airport coach when we heard a car zooming towards us and a voice yelling SLLUUUUUT (FYI unless slut has a new definition I certainly wasn’t dressed like one. Hello I was going to Norway. Layers on layers on layers!). This shouting was Followed by a squishy squelchy sound and an unexpected pressure on my chest.
Holy shit I’ve been shot!…wait WHAT??

Here’s a slow motion dialogue of my thought process;
FIRST, oh my god I’ve been hit by a tomatoe. Eugh. But there was way too much slimy liquid for this. SECOND, Shit, was I covered in beer? Nope still too slimy.
THIRD, Oh my fucking gaaaawd it’s a bag of sperm. Mutha fucka. Ah don’t worry it wasn’t that either.
Cos then the smell hit. And I knew. And I almost wished it was a bag of..you know… FOURTH, EGG (queue dramatic music). All
through my hair and all through my knitted jumper was splattered raw egg. I started to dry retch. When I smell egg, my stomach wants to empty , I get all hot and shaky. I’m the worst person to get egged. Oh man. Poor Anda was trying to control her laughter while I was trying to control acidic bile from projectiling all over everywhere.
Definitely not how we thought the morning would go. Washing my hair on the side walk while the bus pulls up, carrying an egg soaked jumper in a bag, utilising airport bathroom hand dryers to dry my hair (works a treat actually).
Not gonna lie, the egg situation put a bit of a damper on our excitement about flying to Oslo. Not to mention I was now one jumper down and being someone who hates the cold this is not good news when going to fricken Scandinavia!
I could have wallowed in “why me”s for the entire two hour wait before our flight actually boarded but… A free shot of whiskey changed all that.

In retrospect, Things were looking up. I’d washed my hair and rid myself of my jumper so that smell of egg was no longer threatening me. Then while walking through duty free looking very much like two down buzzed travellers we walked snack bang into a jack Daniels promotion. Is it ever too early for A perk me up in a glass? Thank you #jackdaniels.
Standing in the middle of duty free, sipping on whiskey, Anda and I finally took in the greatness of our surroundings. Here we were, surrounded by big brands of make up and perfume. The opportunity’s to look and feel fabulous were endless. Baby we were ballin’.
Being only human and therefore being only vain, simple things like being able to wear a new lipstick and face way out of our affordability wiped the tragedy of this morning out of our minds.

Honey when you look this fresh faced at 5am it’s much easier to laugh at being egged. In fact, I confess I feel a million bucks and even hope that somehow those egg wielding wankers found some joy in their egging too.

4 and a half hours later I sit here, basking in Ryan Airs classical boarding music and ready for take-off. I learnt yet another lesson about travel today;
Always expect the unEGGSpected!BOOM. Excitements back on! See you in Oslo!

Oh ps I hope you bloody noticed the fantastically clever pun in my title.

Pps here’s a great tune right now and the soundtrack to my imaginations of my vengeance on those guys should I ever see them again. Totes fitting.